Sunday, May 08, 2005

Happy Mother’s Day

So what makes a great mum? Well, she got excited when she first found out she was pregnant and patted her still flat belly. Then, when we made our presence known to the world, she kept her doctor’s appointments and kept us fed, even if the food was a little weird.

Then she birthed us.

Doesn’t stop there. Mum literally gave of herself to keep us fed. She cleaned us and stayed up nights singing quietly to help us sleep. Mum taught us to talk and walk and read and write. We learned that strained peas came not in jar but on a plane that made strange noises and looked an awful lot like a spoon.

Mum cried and yelled and wondered and shook her head. She picked up and dropped off. Mum called Dad to find where her little darling went with a few local tots only to discover us at the local strip mall attempting to ride the mechanical horse. She learned the map of the discount stores, especially the toy section. And she made her apologies to shop clerks who found a little girl hiding in the racks of ladies apparel.

Then she lived through our teen years. Ahem.

Mum knew when to set conditions when things were unconditional. She knew when to make us pack our bags and get on with our lives. And she knew when doing laundry was the best cure for a broken heart.

She knows when to bite her tongue and when to give us a tongue lashing. And she respects us enough to avoid the m-word and the g-word. She enjoys watching us come to our own conclusion.

A great mum makes us want to be a great mum. And I’d like that very much.

Thanks Mum!

Killing Us Softly

Joe Bender has every right to make a movie. No question. He has the right to think and write and believe whatever he wants. Likewise, I have the right to think and write and believe that he is a sick opportunist with no respect for others Unfortunately, even by expressing my opinion, I’m giving this pornographer publicity.

Bender, director of such memorable hits as Sweet Valley High and The Amazing Race, is a pornographer not for the lack of clothes, but for the lack of conscience. He has exploited the victims of Paul Bernardo and Karla Holmolka and produced Deadly, a biopic about the raping murderous duo.

Recall that the married couple drugged, raped, and murdered Holmolka’s sister Tammy; abducted, drugged, raped, tortured, and murdered Kristen French; and abducted, drugged, raped, tortured, and murdered Leslie Mahaffey. Recall, too, Bernardo was also the notorious “Scarborough Rapist” prevalent in the late 1980s.

Ooh, such tasty fodder for a Hollywood movie maker!

As if there weren’t enough heinous crimes happening in his own hometown, Bender and his producer have to fly up to Toronto, get the court transcriptions, and base a script on it. Nice. Creative. Is this what they taught you in that matchbook film class, buddy? How to take a stomach churning crime that happened in a foreign country make a flick and feed it pack to them? Like choking on your own vomit.

Americans aren’t terribly interested in Canada. I highly doubt any of its citizenry know much less care who Bernardo or Holmolka are. Why will they spend money or time watching a crap-ass movie of the week when there’s narcissists eating leeches on Channel 2?

Global TV aired the exclusive trailer for Deadly during the 11 pm news. I thought I recognized the lead. A quick search on IMDB confirmed that Laura Prepon (AKA: Donna from That 70s Show) plays Karla. Hmm. I wonder how she researched the character? I wonder if she even bothered to search the name on the net? I wonder if she’s hurtin’ for a gig?

Neither Bernard or Holmolka are particularly interesting as people; a rich accountant and a vet’s assistant. Pretty bland and normal. He was into hardcore porn and hardcore capitalism; she was into hardcore diamonds and hardcore boyfriends. Nothing special or story worthy. Just a sick fucked up couple one of whom will never see the light of day and the other a manipulating, cunning bitch that the Crown underestimated and let off with a 12 year jail sentence.

And it’s coming to you soon on DVD complete with it’s own barf bag. Conscience not included.